What really matters?

I was born in 21 Dec 1951. I'll turn 61 on the day some say the world will end (21 Dec 2012). I'm not buying my endpoint as being a specific date. However, since I do know I'll die some day, it doesn't really matter when it is specifically. I have to live my life as if it would end tomorrow. We all do! Unfortunately, I've lived most of my life as if it would never end. So my priorities have always been wrong.

Like many people, I was hugely influenced by my cultural surroundings while growing up, and I supposed I still am. I was conditioned, just like one of Pavlov's dogs. If you are reading this, then you were too, but obviously with different rules (and hopefully not as much) as me. It is very hard to shed these trappings.

I was a little too young to be in the "hippy movement" but it influenced my thinking. I ended up buying into the "left", started using drugs and so on. I went to college, became even more "liberal", did more drugs, got a degree in Chemical Engineering, but ended up working in computer software. I "stole" a fortune in consulting fees (all the while thinking I earned it, but really it never really contributed anything positive to the world or my fellow man, so really that's why I think it was stolen). I managed to be pretty damn insulated from real life, living in a Manhattan high rise paying an obscene amount of rent each month to live a few blocks from the world trade center. I had no idea what I was part of. I was supposed to be in the basement of one of the twin towers that morning, at just the time of the first airplane's impact. I would have been in the basement where there were some massive explosions. So I might have been roasted. But something made me decide to turn around and go back home when I was only two blocks away, just minutes before the first impact. However, that day changed my life, or at least started to change it. I had a lot of deprogramming to do before I could begin to understand anything.

It took me a very long time to realize that the hope had I blindly placed in my ideology was broken, and had long been broken. It took me a long time to realize that "issues" and "ideologies" are "DESIGNED" to divide us. They makes us not be brothers. If we are transfixed in "left leaning mind set" then we see the right as evil, and vice versa. And if our minds are owned by right leaning ideas then we see the left as misguided. If abortion is our issue, then we cannot find any common ground with those that oppose us. If we are pro-drilling we cannot see that there are people on the other side, and vice versa. All of these issue serve only to alienate us and make us tend to hate and dehumanize the "other side". And with good reason, since many of them would gladly see our throats cut to silence our dissent that challenges their ideals. I've come to think this is all a big game designed to make separate us from our true nature and from each other.

The Deep Water Horizon spill started to change my perspective on things. I found a web site of oil and gas drilling professionals with a penetrating discussion of what had happened. I saw a huge amount of genuine concern and compassion on the part of the "oil drilling professionals" who I had been taught were evil. I came to explore oil field music, and liked it. I got to know web site owner, Curtis, and now count him as one of my friends and a very good and deep thinking person. He always humbly says "he only has a high school education" but he's one of the smartest people I know. He's certainly one of the most honest and generous. That started me questioning many of my long held values. I started looking for humanity rather than ideology.

That doesn't make all people good. But it changed my perspective in a fundamental way in that I now look for what is good in everyone rather than rejecting them as soon as we differ in opinion. What I most often see is good masked behind conditioned ideologies that separate us from the truth nature of ourself and others.

I read something very interested recently about Pavlov's dogs. I think everyone knows the story about how they were conditioned to respond in a given way to a given stimulus. This kind of conditioning can be done to all animals including humans. The almighty dollar has been used as the primary means of my conditioning, and of most Americans or for that matter most people in the world.

Anyway, there was a flood in Pavlov's lab that killed many of the dogs. But what they found afterwards was really amazing. Those dogs that had survived the trauma had LOST ALL OF THEIR CONDITIONING. It had been scared out of them. I think there's an important lesson here for all of us. If we can shed our conditioning we can stop being puppets (no offense is meant here to anyone, I'm the first to admit what a puppet I've been, and I'm certainly by no means free of all my conditioning). But we are all, to some extent, puppets of what we've learned.

Each of us has to look inside to know the Truth about who we are. There's nobody out there with our answer. I know this sounds like a lot of mumbo jumbo, but in fact I think it is true. Where else are you going to find the truth? FOX, CNN, PBS, BBC, Obama, Bush, who? if you believe in God, and do so purely, then maybe that's a good place to look. But even to believe, you have to look inside to know the truth. So ultimately, you cannot escape that leap of faith if you want to know who you are and what we are here for. It is NOT about money, that's for sure!

We each have difficulty seeing others because of our conditioning. Our conditioning (what we are taught by parents, schools, reading, television, and culture) bias how we see the world. So a given input is seen in a given way based on our expectation (conditioning). Similar, what we say is biased by our conditioning. So we have two errors surrounding every concept we have in our heads. We filter and transform what our inputs to form our understanding of the world. Then when we speak "our truth" we again bias the concept we hold and say it in a given way. That affects the ability of others to understand what we are saying, both because of our bias and their bias.

I'm beginning to believe we all "think" in purely symbolic terms. But we listen and speak (or read and write) in an abstract way that confuses ourselves and others about what we are saying. This can most clearly be seen when a English speaker tries to communicate with a Chinese speaker, neither of whom understands the other's language. There is a complete block unless someone translates. But then we have to trust the translation and it can be biased by the translator to obscure the real message the other person is trying to say. I wonder how many wars have been started that way? ALL of them in a way, wen you consider the leaders and media to be our translator of world events. Now scale this back to someone from California with a liberal "anything goes" perspective and let them try talking to someone from Georgia with a southern dialect and conservative Christian values. They might assume a translator is not necessary because the words sound familiar. But they are likely to have a hard time seeing eye to eye, even if they agree. They might let each other starve because they cannot agree upon how the bread should be distributed or whether it can only be given to a "correct thinking person". yet they might both believe that everyone deserves to eat. It is strange how that can happen, isn't it?

The events in Egypt have been very eye opening to me. Mainstream media is owned. And the alternative media is almost always biased with an ax to grind or something to gain. It tells half truths that are consistent with each of our ideologies (that's why there are so many different sources) and so we tend to believe what they say (or if our guard is down, we might believe something without questioning, just by accident even if we generally try to be objective and skeptical). They might say 3 things that resonate strongly with our values but the 4th thing might be a complete deception. During the Egyptian protests, I've spent a great deal of time listening to as many different news sources as I could find. They all tell a different "truth". This is very worrisome. Because when we get down to the humanity of what might be happening, most of us could agree it is wrong that people's liberties should be so suppress that they would stand up a die for the right to say "enough". If we in America decided we were tired of being oppressed and tried to protest as they have done in Egypt, the Patriot laws would allow authorities to treat us as harshly as the Egyptian people are being treated. And if our news reporters tried to warn us, they would lose their jobs, or worse. That's why despite the fact that our constitution has been essentially suspended we go on worrying more about paying the rent or watching our favorite TV program.

One post on Curtis's web site was about Obama selling America. I certainly think that's true. But it is far from him alone. The Bush dynasty did just as much selling. It has been going on for a long time. Taken together, most of them, they have sewn the seeds of hatred between different groups in America and between America and other countries so that soon we will start fighting each other (actually we already are). We already hate each other. We often hate our neighbors that we have not even met. If we try to talk to them, they are usually too conditioned to listen (or we ourselves are too conditioned to talk or listen to them). And someone is laughing all the way to the bank because we are mindlessly playing out the script they have carefully written. We are acting out our puppet roles. We are miserable doing it, but we go on doing it anyway.

I sure don't know the "truth" but some have said, and this makes sense, when looked at objectively, that the IRS and FED are a scam. It appears that every dollar you pay in taxes goes right into paying interest. None of it is used for any other purpose. The government is funded by borrowing more money from the FED (a private corporation) who loans more money at interest (and sets the rate and amount of money available). So debt keeps increasing and when they want a recession or depression they just "make it happen". And we all buy it. Ask yourself this. If your neighbor was starving, through no fault of his own, would you share some of your food? Would you hope he would do the same for your children? If his car was broken, would you give him a ride? Or do you know your neighbor well enough to even realize his situation or need? The government is counting on the answer to that question being NO. They are counting on each of us active with as much self interest as they are acting.

I've started doing this lately. I'm now living in Italy and there is a lot of poverty around me. It is slowly showing its face more and more. But here I think it is more integrated than I did in America. Not hidden away into separate neighborhoods. I see a lot of people on the street begging for money. I see a lot of people trying to sell trinkets to make enough to eat (after paying their handlers). It is pretty gruesome when you let yourself realize it. So I've started filling my pocket with 10 Euro each morning. When I see someone in need I find a way to drop a few coins near them. I try to make it look like an accident because I don't want to humiliate them (I would be ashamed to beg to feed my children, and many of them are too).

So I don't pay them, I don't buy their stuff, I don't fill their cup. I look into their eyes and smile (that's more than most of them get in a day). Sometimes I speak. That also is more than most of them get all day. From that you can tell if they are really in need or trying to scam you (some beggars make a great living by scamming people, but some are really in need). So I try to look into their heart, and give when I think they really need it. I try to remain anonymous so they don't follow me. When you give something to someone they can easily mistake you for being more than you are. I prefer that they just get something falling from the sky, so to speak, so as not to mislead them into thinking I'm a good person and so they won't listen to my words (since I'm usually wrong about everything).

A couple days ago, I saw a pregnant young woman who looked hungry. At first I just looked away and walked past her. Then I turned around and gave her 5 Euro. But then I decided to do something I've never done before. I just opened my wallet and told her to take what she needed. I'm not sure how much she took. But I didn't go hungry because of it. So I must not have needed it as much as she did. I don't know if I'd ever do that again, but it felt right at that moment.

Anyway, I'm sure some of you will think I'm a sap. Sometimes I think that myself. But I do know that I feel like more of a human and less of a minion of the powerful when I show my humanity. It is a tiny little revolt. But if we all do our part, great things might happen.

Now I'm going to write another letter to Obama, and a few other leaders. I'm going to tell them to stop screwing us, and try to get in touch with whatever is left of his humanity. I don't hate him. I think he's just a lot more of a puppet that most of us. If he ever does wake up to the millions he's killed and starved around the world, that's going to be a huge burden to carry. I just want to avoid doing what he does, in my own little way. So I want to start by being a better person from the ground up, and hope that inspires some others to do the same.

This may only be a duck thought, but I think it is correct. However, only YOU know the truth and only YOU can find it.